i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you traded sex for a burrito?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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