I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
