i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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