Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize