im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
