Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
