U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize