my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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