you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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