when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my being single is dangerous.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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