Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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