Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
