He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
