My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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