Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
