my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
