Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
