i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
