How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
time to smoke my breakfast
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
