My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
