I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize