this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
