I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
