small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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