Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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