Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
nutella sex= disaster
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize