I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
