belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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