Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just pee around me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
