when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
