I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
