found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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