Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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