she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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