update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
