I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
