I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
