Swine flu. Run for my life!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
