all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
