I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
