I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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