Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
