It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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