No stitches, just platelets and will power
only you would photoshop your dick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
