They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
