Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
