I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize