if i can run in heels then i can drive
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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