How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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