so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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