I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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