the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
