You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
