I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
