the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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