I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
