ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
