hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
