I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
