Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
