member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
