is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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