I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
