Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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