So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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