4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
