That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
