i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My vagina is officially offended.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
