Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to wash the frat house off of me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
