No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
