Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
