I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
