yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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